so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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