the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
