This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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