I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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