So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
