you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
