i love accidental penises.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
