Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
