she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
