she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
