Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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