i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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