The maid of honor just puked.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
