The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
