I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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