I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize