Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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