Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
