I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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