Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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