bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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