took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
