I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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