i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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