You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
