Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
