Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
