I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
