i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
