I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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