Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
