I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
