i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
