She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
