I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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