omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
