I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
