I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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