Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
