You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
