Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
