i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just invented taco cereal.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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