i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
