he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
