Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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