24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
