their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
