It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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