the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
