Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
