It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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