I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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