I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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