I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
