I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
