No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
