the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
