Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
