Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
