I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
