now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize