I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
