Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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