my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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