if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
